Ask God

Ask God: My little 'meaningful' experience

Here a little something I wrote about 2 weeks ago... I thought I'd post it here... might sound a little naggy.. but hope it touches some of your hearts! :)
-P.S- It was written about 2 weeks ago on 29th September 2007.

It has been 3 weeks from the date I accepted Christ. I hope you all remember the testimony that I shared 1 week after I became Christian. And to date, I still would like to share that God has still been speaking to me, almost all the time.

Just during the second week, I felt like my faith was still insufficient. Despite the number of times I prayed to God, to ask Him for strength and wisdom, and most importantly faith, I felt my faith wavering and dropping. But once in awhile, I hear God speak, and the faith rebuilds. However, it never took long before I fall back into the state of questioning, did I make the right choice? Day after day, I kept asking God for the same three things, strength, wisdom and faith.

On the 14^th of September, the second week since I accepted Christ, I felt so horrible. That day, I took Elysaa’s advice and went to care group earlier for the pre-care group prayer meeting. There, I felt like I could not enter into God’s frequency at all. I felt so dejected and so demoralized. All these while no matter how much I could connect to God, no matter how much I felt him in my daily life, it all went missing the moment I entered care group. After prayer meeting, I felt so horrible that I didn’t even want to eat much. Then after games, we came into the session of praise and worship. Once again, I didn’t feel God near me at all.

It felt totally horrible, and during worship I just told myself to concentrate in God’s presence and that moment, I told God that, “From this moment onwards, my life is yours. Let me live the life that you have planned for me. Use me for your purposes. Tell me what you want me to do!!!”

And a few moments later, I heard God. I heard him telling me, “I want you to go home and sleep.”

That moment, I felt amused and I asked God, “I finally told you that I give my life to you, and asked you show me the plans you have for me, and you asked me to go to sleep? How can I sleep? Shouldn’t I be reading the bible and digging more information and knowledge instead of sleeping?”

Then amidst my own amusement, I heard God telling me, “See, you just pledged your life to me and said that you will obey me. But the first thing I asked you to do, you have already disobeyed.”

That struck me, and everything flowed back to the first encounter I had with God’s word after I accepted Christ… which most of you should remember. And that is, BE PATIENT!!!

Yes, it is not an overnight journey. That night while everyone were busy colouring the little care bears, I realized I only caused more trouble than help (since I coloured the bears the wrong colours), I found Huang Ling and shared with her about what happened during worship. And yes, she told me that God is concerned about our physical being too.

I did listen eventually, and headed home reluctantly anyway, and reluctantly went to bed too. Many things happened over the weekend in my walk with God. He showed me many answers, for I was finally standing still to listen to him. For he probably felt that I was finally ready to listen. And yes, day after day, many times a day, I always felt him beside and always was ready to ask and waited PATIENTLY for an answer.

Day after day, he sent me people who would tell me things that answered my prayers and showed me signs that answered many prayers. And again, getting my answers deepened my faith a lot more. And I know that God is cultivating my patience. I used to think I was patient. But now God is showing me, what patient really is. And how to be even more patient. Being patient spiritually and at the same time, be really happy.

Then when I realized that this Friday’s care group had no leaders, I was so disappointed, and didn’t want to come. The last thing I wanted to do was to go to care group just to play games and watch a movie. But then praise God, for he asked Vei to put me in the food roster. And having to cook, meant having to come. But it was God telling me to do it, and so I felt happy. And he knew, that I really loved to cook for others!

At care group, we ate, played games and watched Bruce Almighty. When the movie started, I just felt like going home. I was like, “I’m sure there’s something better to do than watching a movie. Plus, I have already watched this comedy before!”

But watching the movie as a Christian felt different. A comedy it might have been, and some parts may be lame and does not make sense, but we see how humans sometimes demand things off God. And God has his way of making us learn and grow. Instead of answering our immature requests, he finds a way to wake us up from our senses. And when necessary, there are times where small lessons don’t teach, and big life impacting lessons come. But through it all, God being sovereign, will always be in control. He will always have his way to put our life back into place, not back to the way it was, but even better.

After the movie, some headed home. However, we ended up having bible study from Joey due to a request. There, it sprung to my mind, that it was the thought in my mind, and possibly the thought of many others, but no one asked. And since no one asked, nothing will be answered, nothing will be done. During bible study, we reflected on many things, such as faith in God. Joey also told us the story of Job.

And after bible study, we even had a prayer session. And there, Joey said something that impacted me to write this testimony, which is, “If you want a prayer, just ask. God knows what you are thinking, you just have to ask.”

Yes, that is so true and with that, I actually went home feeling really happy. Never did I know that there was something even better waiting back at home for me. My housemate, Atieno, was feeling very down and so while cooking for care group, I cooked her a portion of pasta for her dinner too. And then thank God that Eliza lent me her guitar for the weekend, I immediately put my baby guitar strums to use, and played her the song “How Great is our God.”

I didn’t know if that cheered her up, but she did seem much happy. She was actually telling me how her faith was wavering too. But when I went home, she actually wrote me a note and left it in my pantry saying, “Thanks a million for the meal Pei. Really lifted up my spirits. So was that to count a blessing today? I would say things are crap but thank God I have a great flat mate!”

Few nights before I was actually asking God if amidst my jokes sometimes, I offended people. And a few nights ago, I thought I actually offended Atieno, and I asked God for forgiveness. And like I said earlier, when you ask, you will get your answer. And today, I got the best answer, and I’m sure the journey ahead will be even more interesting.

So I would just like to sum up with this. Ask, and it will be given to you. Especially when you ask God, for he is a faithful God who keeps His promises. He may not give you what you want, but he might give you something greater and better than what you want! God may answer your prayers the way that may have never crossed your mind. And I love to share this, because I hope to give hope to those who might have questions and fear to ask the Lord. Do not be afraid. You can ask God, and also ask the brothers and sisters around that God have blessed you and I with. You never know how you might be able to bless others amidst this.

Think of it this way:

God has made us like candles with flames. Sometimes our flames go off. But when we are blessed with a burning flame of hope, we can pass it on and light other candles. If we keep the flame burning in our own candle, it will soon die off, and hope will die off. But by sharing, the flame keeps burning and more and more candles will soon be lighted!

And lastly, I’d like to end with Matthew 7:7-8:

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

29/9/2007
-- Xuan --