My experience with God through P&W practice.

Dear Bro & Sis,

Although i am not good with words i'd still choose to share this lesson God taught me. Yesterday was P&W practice for our livegroup, and as you all know it is exam peroid, however, i have still spend a lot of time practicing, trying my best to make it work, then when the time comes to the actual practice with the team, i failed to meet the standard the leader wants, i felt so discouraged and i almost lost temper, it's not because of what people said to me i believe, but because of the time i have spent seems to be in vain, i went home discoraged, sad and hurt, although my fellow bro and sis encouraged me, it wasn't sufficient to stop my heart from bleeding.

That night I wasn't able to sleep until late, so i spent time thinking and thinking, i asked God, "why?", "Am i not doing it with all my heart? Am i not doing what you want me to do? Am i not doing it for you?, i cried out to God from my heart, i said "God, i want to give up, no matter how hard i try, i am just not good enough....i might just stop serving you in guitar, I might just take a break from Livegroup...and have the time spent in other things..." but then suddenly in my head, this thought came in, "If I run away and give up now, I am truly not doing it for God...." So i continued thinking....until a point where i felt so stressed that I went to read my bible, i went to the website biblegateway, and the verse of the day was from Thessalonians, so i opened the Thessalonians chapter 5, and the 1st verse that came into my sight was verse12, and i read on until 15, it says "12Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. 13Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. 14And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else." through this verse I understand that God knows how hard you have worked for Him, and he didn't say respect those who did well, but instead he said respect those who work hard, so result isn't the most important thing God's looking for, it is the heart that God sees, and God as well reminded me later on of this verse, 1 Corinthians 15:58"58Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." Therefore, do not be discouraged in times like this, things won't always work out, but as long as we have done our best, we are right before the Lord!

On the actual Lifegroup on friday, i was still a bit discouraged, simply because i haven't fully recovered from the thing happened the day before, i just didn't have the confidence to play my guitar in front of all the people in J5, yet during the prayer Cintia said before the practice on Friday, she said "Let nothing stops us from serving the Lord", at that moment i was stunned, wasn't able to say anything, thinking that God is encouraging me here, so we proceed to practice, the leader didn't really require the same standard anymore, the leader has lowered the standard and I felt discouraged, but not because of anything the team has said or done, but because I haven't met the standard, although people don't say it out, but i know i am still far from the standard required previously. So my confidence dropped once again.

Then during the real P&W session, I did even worse, because of my nervousness, because of my lack of confidence, i felt really down, all the way to the point that i can't even play the songs where I normally can play, and towards the end of the P&W session, Joey came out and said something about hurt, and i know that the Lord is speaking to me through him.

After the teaching for the day, Joy asked people to write something to one another, and Joey, Yvonne and Sunny wrote something for me, in the msg i can really see the encouragement, I believe God is showing me through this that people can see your heart for God and people will be encouraged by you when you work hard for God, and most importantly, God knows how much effort you have put into it, why bother with this little things? And my encouragement didn't just end there, after I went home, I saw my shepherd and I told him I messed up during P&W, and He said "Me too" with big smile on his face, I instantly felt encouraged, not because he messed up too of course, but because of the way he sees it, he never focused on the outcome, but his focus is always God, so even if the outcome isn't good, he knows that he has done his best.

Brothers and sisters, I know it is a bit long and naggy..haha...but i wrote this, not because I want to tell you my feelings, but because i want you to know that God knows how much effort we have put into his work, and truly He cares for us, He knows our human limitations and He will encourage and empower us in His timing, so when you are facing some challenges, good, because you are having an opportunity to test your heart! Remember, look to God in difficult time!